There are no astrological transits affecting the collective energy from Sunday July 28th to August 3rd. None! Nada! Zip! This week will be like staring at a television on the fuzzy static station. If you act like an asshole this week, don’t blame it on Uranus. It’s you. You’re probably actually an asshole. If your partner leaves you this week, the relationship probably wasn’t working, so don’t blame it on Venus retrograde or Mars square your partner’s sun sign. It was your behavior that drove your partner away. Sometimes relationships just don’t work. Swear to god, there are no planets, no asteroids, no comets, no distant stars, nothing, absolutely nothing to blame for your actions except yourself this week. If you’re going to be a bitch, own it. It’s you. If you get fired from your job, it could just be maybe you deserved to get fired? What if you get promoted? You probably worked hard and earned that promotion. Good for you. Bravo! People falling at your feet and begging to have sex with you? You’re probably a goddamn sexy mother fucker! That isn’t your fault either, it’s just the truth! People weren’t fooled because the Sun was conjunct Venus, you really are a sexy mother fucker! REALITY CHECK!!! Damn you look good! I’d beg to have sex with you too! REALITY CHECK! Don’t have sex with those who beg for it. (Unless that’s your thing and you want to.)
It could be things are exactly what they seem this week and astrology is having no affect on us whatsoever. There is literally no astrological weather to speak of. When was the last time you heard that from the regular weather girl on tv? “So like, it’s not warm and it’s not cold and it might rain, but it might not rain. There isn’t going to be weather though. There’s not even a temperature and no barometric pressure either. Code Beige!!!! Code Beige!!! It’s a week unaffected by astral objects. Can you handle it? If you can, it’s because you’re entirely capable of handling stuff. If you can’t, at least this week, there is not an astrological happening to blame it on. It could be you’re not very good at getting your poop in a group. Mercury isn’t even retrograde. If you’re a bad communicator this week it’s because you aren’t good at communicating. If you’re a good communicator it’s because you probably chose your words carefully after thinking about their potential impact. Good for you.
Listen, just because there’s no astrology to speak of this week doesn’t mean I’m not going to prattle on about something. If you’ve got nothing better to do than read an astrology blog on the week that there aren’t any astrological transits to talk about, that’s on you to choose better reading material and in no way reflects on me as a writer. It’s not my fault there are no astrological transits this week. There were previous weeks when there were so many astrological transits happening I couldn’t even get to them all. You’re welcome. There are no transits. This week is a blank page. Reality is the thing staring at you unless we are living in a simulation. We might be living in a simulation. My advice this week is question everything, especially yourself in case we are living in a simulation. After all, you are the one to blame this week if your life isn’t what you want it to be. Do you really want to quit your job/ break up with your partner/ marry someone you just met/ start your gender transition / start a fight with your mother? I don’t know if you do. What I do know: You are on your own this week. Listen to your heart. Use your own brain. Astrology didn’t cause it this week. Astrology isn’t to blame. It’s like you’re finally driving the car. Do you have a driver’s license? You probably shouldn’t drive if you don’t have a driver’s license. DID YOU EVER EVEN TAKE A DRIVER’S EDUCATION CLASS??? Oh Jesus Christ! This is going to be a week!
I’d like to wrap up this astrological blog about no astrological transits by saying, “Beware of astrologers who tell you there is astrology to pay attention to this week.” There isn’t. Blank sky honey. All things are possible. Nothing in your way. No favorable skies for anyone. No unfavorable skies for anyone. Even mysterious Neptune is minding their own damn business. How’s it feel to be completely responsible for your own actions?Nothing helping us. Nothing harming us. No obstacles except the ones we create for ourselves.
I believe in you, but if you need someone to blame in lieu of astrology, there’s always your least favorite coworker. I also think it might be your partner’s fault. Hey, you’re no asshole. People really like you. A lot of people wish they could have sex with you. Auntie Svetty loves you. Call me if you wind up in jail! If you wind up in jail, it’s your fault because you probably broke the law and got caught. Just because there’s no astrology doesn’t mean we fall into anarchy. Just because you call me from jail doesn’t mean I’m going to bail you out. Like I said, it probably is your fault you sexy mother fucker!
Until next week! Be kind to yourself and others. Please be kind to animals. Talk to you soon! Good luck driving the car on your own! It’s just a week! You’ll be fine! Call me from jail if you get arrested. I worry about you! Okay, bye now.
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